Control Issues (or Never feed Meat to a Vegetarian)

Ok, Mother.... There are Issues.....

Let me tell you of the horrible day I just had.

Got up this morning... well... was up this morning. Someone/something has decided that I need to be at appointments on time. I had to resign myself to this, as I found myself in my comfortable nightware in the middle of breakfast. This has been occurring lately....

While eating breakfast, a potatoe/rat stew of sorts. Damn cook.... used us to gather meat for the school. All students are looking at us now with malice. A turd on their boots!!!!!

I began to eat, it seems that the entity ( may that entity be constipated for the next ten years) wants me to be friends with the Human Moron and the Vegetarian Moron. I was sitting there eating, and the vegetarian was whining about the food. The bastard tought me long ago to eat without complaint, because he would make it worse. I tried to relay this message to the Vegetarian, but he wouldnt shut up. So I took a potato, and fed it to him with my sling. None to happy, I think he was out for vengeance. He kept screaming about the Potato was wrapped around some meat.

BAMPF!!!!! In the midst of our friendly chat about food, we were transported to the Headmasters office. SHIT!!!! Now were were in for it!!! We got the customary talk about being prompt and on time and how to be nice to each other. I do NOT care about this, but the rhetoric is given freely. I at least looked attentive.

We were told to report to the Potions class, in the dungeon. DAMN!!!! There are rats down there. I remember our last run in with rats.

After being dismissed by the headmaster, I chose to stick around, and ensure that my backpack was not in order. He made a few gestures, and BAMPF!!! I was in the dungeon next to the class... HAHA!!!! It is the headmaster that is moving me around!!!! I'll make a turd in his coffee!!!!

I decide to stick around down there, and rearrange my backpack.

The Human and Vegetarian came by. When they noticed me, they decided that I obviously needed to be let out. They did not ask, which would have been prudent. The human, in fashion customary to her race, decided to "unlock" the door. To bad she forgot to check it... She succeded in locking an unlocked door. Moron.

I bid them farewell, and watched them leave. BAMPF!!! F**K!!!! Im in the classroom. S**T!!!

I glared at all the people, and began to absorb myself in the rearranging of my bags.

The teacher patiently explained that we were to go gather flowers from the forest. He handed a list to the vegetarian, and announced that He was the leader, gave us weapons, and told us to go.

Now this is where things went wrong. Of course I didn't want to go. I'm no moron. There are things in the forest that I am ill equipped for, like bears, and tigers, and dragons (the green ones, I can handle a red one, they're easy, just compliment them). I continued rearranging my backpack, it never seems quite right. The Vegetarian Elf COMMANDED me to go, and I went. Not by choice, but my body responded. F**K S**T M**TH*R F**KER!!!!! This conspiracy has to stop!!!!

We get to the forest, the Human begins to yell about the vegetarian not working. We begin to fistidiously and industriously search, and the Vegetarian is just standing there. I have no idea what is on the list. Some leader He is, not letting us know what we are doing, so I just bring stuff. Evidently this frustrated the poor creature, we got the command to "STOP". Ah well, I dig for roots. I don't think they ever figured out what I was doing. Moron.

We get the command to "Help the group search for the flowers on this list in a systematic fashion." Moron. I step systematically in squares to search my quarter of the forest. I no longer CARE about getting out of the forest, I'm just p***ed.

Not long after this fiasco begins, we notice two people carrying something, arguing amongst themselves about the heavy end and the light end. I never saw what it was, they dropped it. They became interested in Fearful Vegetarian Leader. S**T!!! Now, I might have been jumping the crossbow, however, my gut told me that they wanted to kill him... Poor creatures, not enough meat to fill their gut. More like one of the Princes "exotic" appetizers.... ummm... nevermind.....

I figure its time to test out this magic control thing. I fix my mind on the fact that one of the uglies (they were ugly) might have one of the flowers on the list. I fixated my mind on the fact that there might be a flower in the bag of one of them. I was able to dip the sword a little deep and cut the bag off. I dismissed the bag (it fell open) and wondered if the other one ate one. I spent some time trying to slice open his belly to find out. While all this was happening, the human was trying to knock the flower eating ugly back. The vegetarian... oh my... more confused than the doddering vizier..... got her sword stuck in the tree, bent the sword, then began to kick and punch all the while screaming something about "Fuzzy Bunny Shoes".... I don't think he knew what was really going on....

I eventualy did kill the flowering ugly, and true to the command, physically disemboweled the poor creature. He DID eat a flower, I gave it to the confused, controlling vegetarian. The human found a flower while wretching in the bushes. The vegetarian tried to rescind the command later, only to realize that the controlling power was limited. We had no choice but to continue. This did nothing to lighten my mood.

NINE F**K**G hours later, we finish. I realize I'm done at one point in time, and punch the fool. Moron. The human does the same. It made me feel better, so I punched Him again, knocking him out. F**K!!!!!! Now the commands kick in again, and well, I drag Him to school. The human goes ahead of me. I drop the Vegetarian Control Freak inside the gates, and go to my room.

BAMPF!!!! S**T!!!! im in the classroom. The teacher is not happy. He questions about where the other one is, then calls the Veggie there. When asked why she was bruised on the jaw, I tell the truth "She failed to duck" and "Inadequacy" The teacher, may his soul rot in the seventh level of the Nine Hells (Tarterus I believe), decided to chain us together. My Left hand to His right hand. While working on the potions, I pretend like Im left handed. I KNOW he's right handed.

So I learn how to make a "Cure Light Wounds" potion and a "Cure Moderate Wounds" Potion.... Enclosed is the good potion I made, give it to my brother, to make sure he is safe.....

I miss Jessop.... we understood each other....... How is the runt??

..........


Jenjol RibbonStinger
Reluctant Student