Dear Mom,
I've been sick... wretchedly sick, horribly sick. Wondrously sick. I've not left my room in a week. The nurse says it will cure itself, however, I think she's with the headmaster. She might BE the headmaster.
He seems bent on trying to change my ways. Always sending (literally) me to places. He even put me in a cage, so that I can learn to work with others. If the others were not so much MORONS then they would be workable.
Take this last time, for example. We were SUPPOSED to go get the elfs out.... Instead of systematically working one way and ensuring that all was checked for security purposes, they scattered. I vehemently tried to work systematically, but the dwarven hagress (old lady who is now a student... still a MORON) picked me up and carried me along. MORON!!!...
I finally get them to listen when they figure out that what they are doing is NOT within their best interest. We then begin to systematically search... my way. BAM!!! within a short time, we find most of the elfs... The MORONS should learn to listen to me. More than once I had to pull thier ***es out of the fire (figuratively).
Anyway, now I am sick. Could you please send some of that nice Shocker Lizard Soup... you know..the stuff that you gave Brother Italin when he got sick... that would be nice... or maybe the recipe... I could get the Rat Cooker to cook some...I think....
Jenjol RibbonStinger
Sickly Son
Thursday, May 24, 2007
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
Horrible Dreams
Mom,
I must admit, last night was very bad.
I had this horrible dream!!!!
Remember, I told you that I was chained to the Vegetarian Moron? Well, now Im not. It seems that I struggled in my sleep so much that I slipped the chain.
I dreamed that I was picked up by unknown assailants, drug down the hall, and then dropped on the Vegetarian. All the while I was trying to get away.
When they finally did drop me, I tried to look angry so that they would not grab me again. The Vegetarian wet himself.
Then suddenly, BAMPF! Im back in my bed, but the bed wouldn't turn me loose.
I remember the Bastard telling me that Dreams are of the Gods, and they they always hold meanings. What would be the meaning to this dream?
Remember when he made the "Shield Washer" and explained it as a "Gift of the Gods" because it was "Given to him in a Dream." The King was so nice on that one....
Jenjol RibbonStinger
Confused Dreamer
I must admit, last night was very bad.
I had this horrible dream!!!!
Remember, I told you that I was chained to the Vegetarian Moron? Well, now Im not. It seems that I struggled in my sleep so much that I slipped the chain.
I dreamed that I was picked up by unknown assailants, drug down the hall, and then dropped on the Vegetarian. All the while I was trying to get away.
When they finally did drop me, I tried to look angry so that they would not grab me again. The Vegetarian wet himself.
Then suddenly, BAMPF! Im back in my bed, but the bed wouldn't turn me loose.
I remember the Bastard telling me that Dreams are of the Gods, and they they always hold meanings. What would be the meaning to this dream?
Remember when he made the "Shield Washer" and explained it as a "Gift of the Gods" because it was "Given to him in a Dream." The King was so nice on that one....
Jenjol RibbonStinger
Confused Dreamer
Saturday, April 14, 2007
Control Issues (or Never feed Meat to a Vegetarian)
Ok, Mother.... There are Issues.....
Let me tell you of the horrible day I just had.
Got up this morning... well... was up this morning. Someone/something has decided that I need to be at appointments on time. I had to resign myself to this, as I found myself in my comfortable nightware in the middle of breakfast. This has been occurring lately....
While eating breakfast, a potatoe/rat stew of sorts. Damn cook.... used us to gather meat for the school. All students are looking at us now with malice. A turd on their boots!!!!!
I began to eat, it seems that the entity ( may that entity be constipated for the next ten years) wants me to be friends with the Human Moron and the Vegetarian Moron. I was sitting there eating, and the vegetarian was whining about the food. The bastard tought me long ago to eat without complaint, because he would make it worse. I tried to relay this message to the Vegetarian, but he wouldnt shut up. So I took a potato, and fed it to him with my sling. None to happy, I think he was out for vengeance. He kept screaming about the Potato was wrapped around some meat.
BAMPF!!!!! In the midst of our friendly chat about food, we were transported to the Headmasters office. SHIT!!!! Now were were in for it!!! We got the customary talk about being prompt and on time and how to be nice to each other. I do NOT care about this, but the rhetoric is given freely. I at least looked attentive.
We were told to report to the Potions class, in the dungeon. DAMN!!!! There are rats down there. I remember our last run in with rats.
After being dismissed by the headmaster, I chose to stick around, and ensure that my backpack was not in order. He made a few gestures, and BAMPF!!! I was in the dungeon next to the class... HAHA!!!! It is the headmaster that is moving me around!!!! I'll make a turd in his coffee!!!!
I decide to stick around down there, and rearrange my backpack.
The Human and Vegetarian came by. When they noticed me, they decided that I obviously needed to be let out. They did not ask, which would have been prudent. The human, in fashion customary to her race, decided to "unlock" the door. To bad she forgot to check it... She succeded in locking an unlocked door. Moron.
I bid them farewell, and watched them leave. BAMPF!!! F**K!!!! Im in the classroom. S**T!!!
I glared at all the people, and began to absorb myself in the rearranging of my bags.
The teacher patiently explained that we were to go gather flowers from the forest. He handed a list to the vegetarian, and announced that He was the leader, gave us weapons, and told us to go.
Now this is where things went wrong. Of course I didn't want to go. I'm no moron. There are things in the forest that I am ill equipped for, like bears, and tigers, and dragons (the green ones, I can handle a red one, they're easy, just compliment them). I continued rearranging my backpack, it never seems quite right. The Vegetarian Elf COMMANDED me to go, and I went. Not by choice, but my body responded. F**K S**T M**TH*R F**KER!!!!! This conspiracy has to stop!!!!
We get to the forest, the Human begins to yell about the vegetarian not working. We begin to fistidiously and industriously search, and the Vegetarian is just standing there. I have no idea what is on the list. Some leader He is, not letting us know what we are doing, so I just bring stuff. Evidently this frustrated the poor creature, we got the command to "STOP". Ah well, I dig for roots. I don't think they ever figured out what I was doing. Moron.
We get the command to "Help the group search for the flowers on this list in a systematic fashion." Moron. I step systematically in squares to search my quarter of the forest. I no longer CARE about getting out of the forest, I'm just p***ed.
Not long after this fiasco begins, we notice two people carrying something, arguing amongst themselves about the heavy end and the light end. I never saw what it was, they dropped it. They became interested in Fearful Vegetarian Leader. S**T!!! Now, I might have been jumping the crossbow, however, my gut told me that they wanted to kill him... Poor creatures, not enough meat to fill their gut. More like one of the Princes "exotic" appetizers.... ummm... nevermind.....
I figure its time to test out this magic control thing. I fix my mind on the fact that one of the uglies (they were ugly) might have one of the flowers on the list. I fixated my mind on the fact that there might be a flower in the bag of one of them. I was able to dip the sword a little deep and cut the bag off. I dismissed the bag (it fell open) and wondered if the other one ate one. I spent some time trying to slice open his belly to find out. While all this was happening, the human was trying to knock the flower eating ugly back. The vegetarian... oh my... more confused than the doddering vizier..... got her sword stuck in the tree, bent the sword, then began to kick and punch all the while screaming something about "Fuzzy Bunny Shoes".... I don't think he knew what was really going on....
I eventualy did kill the flowering ugly, and true to the command, physically disemboweled the poor creature. He DID eat a flower, I gave it to the confused, controlling vegetarian. The human found a flower while wretching in the bushes. The vegetarian tried to rescind the command later, only to realize that the controlling power was limited. We had no choice but to continue. This did nothing to lighten my mood.
NINE F**K**G hours later, we finish. I realize I'm done at one point in time, and punch the fool. Moron. The human does the same. It made me feel better, so I punched Him again, knocking him out. F**K!!!!!! Now the commands kick in again, and well, I drag Him to school. The human goes ahead of me. I drop the Vegetarian Control Freak inside the gates, and go to my room.
BAMPF!!!! S**T!!!! im in the classroom. The teacher is not happy. He questions about where the other one is, then calls the Veggie there. When asked why she was bruised on the jaw, I tell the truth "She failed to duck" and "Inadequacy" The teacher, may his soul rot in the seventh level of the Nine Hells (Tarterus I believe), decided to chain us together. My Left hand to His right hand. While working on the potions, I pretend like Im left handed. I KNOW he's right handed.
So I learn how to make a "Cure Light Wounds" potion and a "Cure Moderate Wounds" Potion.... Enclosed is the good potion I made, give it to my brother, to make sure he is safe.....
I miss Jessop.... we understood each other....... How is the runt??
..........
Jenjol RibbonStinger
Reluctant Student
Let me tell you of the horrible day I just had.
Got up this morning... well... was up this morning. Someone/something has decided that I need to be at appointments on time. I had to resign myself to this, as I found myself in my comfortable nightware in the middle of breakfast. This has been occurring lately....
While eating breakfast, a potatoe/rat stew of sorts. Damn cook.... used us to gather meat for the school. All students are looking at us now with malice. A turd on their boots!!!!!
I began to eat, it seems that the entity ( may that entity be constipated for the next ten years) wants me to be friends with the Human Moron and the Vegetarian Moron. I was sitting there eating, and the vegetarian was whining about the food. The bastard tought me long ago to eat without complaint, because he would make it worse. I tried to relay this message to the Vegetarian, but he wouldnt shut up. So I took a potato, and fed it to him with my sling. None to happy, I think he was out for vengeance. He kept screaming about the Potato was wrapped around some meat.
BAMPF!!!!! In the midst of our friendly chat about food, we were transported to the Headmasters office. SHIT!!!! Now were were in for it!!! We got the customary talk about being prompt and on time and how to be nice to each other. I do NOT care about this, but the rhetoric is given freely. I at least looked attentive.
We were told to report to the Potions class, in the dungeon. DAMN!!!! There are rats down there. I remember our last run in with rats.
After being dismissed by the headmaster, I chose to stick around, and ensure that my backpack was not in order. He made a few gestures, and BAMPF!!! I was in the dungeon next to the class... HAHA!!!! It is the headmaster that is moving me around!!!! I'll make a turd in his coffee!!!!
I decide to stick around down there, and rearrange my backpack.
The Human and Vegetarian came by. When they noticed me, they decided that I obviously needed to be let out. They did not ask, which would have been prudent. The human, in fashion customary to her race, decided to "unlock" the door. To bad she forgot to check it... She succeded in locking an unlocked door. Moron.
I bid them farewell, and watched them leave. BAMPF!!! F**K!!!! Im in the classroom. S**T!!!
I glared at all the people, and began to absorb myself in the rearranging of my bags.
The teacher patiently explained that we were to go gather flowers from the forest. He handed a list to the vegetarian, and announced that He was the leader, gave us weapons, and told us to go.
Now this is where things went wrong. Of course I didn't want to go. I'm no moron. There are things in the forest that I am ill equipped for, like bears, and tigers, and dragons (the green ones, I can handle a red one, they're easy, just compliment them). I continued rearranging my backpack, it never seems quite right. The Vegetarian Elf COMMANDED me to go, and I went. Not by choice, but my body responded. F**K S**T M**TH*R F**KER!!!!! This conspiracy has to stop!!!!
We get to the forest, the Human begins to yell about the vegetarian not working. We begin to fistidiously and industriously search, and the Vegetarian is just standing there. I have no idea what is on the list. Some leader He is, not letting us know what we are doing, so I just bring stuff. Evidently this frustrated the poor creature, we got the command to "STOP". Ah well, I dig for roots. I don't think they ever figured out what I was doing. Moron.
We get the command to "Help the group search for the flowers on this list in a systematic fashion." Moron. I step systematically in squares to search my quarter of the forest. I no longer CARE about getting out of the forest, I'm just p***ed.
Not long after this fiasco begins, we notice two people carrying something, arguing amongst themselves about the heavy end and the light end. I never saw what it was, they dropped it. They became interested in Fearful Vegetarian Leader. S**T!!! Now, I might have been jumping the crossbow, however, my gut told me that they wanted to kill him... Poor creatures, not enough meat to fill their gut. More like one of the Princes "exotic" appetizers.... ummm... nevermind.....
I figure its time to test out this magic control thing. I fix my mind on the fact that one of the uglies (they were ugly) might have one of the flowers on the list. I fixated my mind on the fact that there might be a flower in the bag of one of them. I was able to dip the sword a little deep and cut the bag off. I dismissed the bag (it fell open) and wondered if the other one ate one. I spent some time trying to slice open his belly to find out. While all this was happening, the human was trying to knock the flower eating ugly back. The vegetarian... oh my... more confused than the doddering vizier..... got her sword stuck in the tree, bent the sword, then began to kick and punch all the while screaming something about "Fuzzy Bunny Shoes".... I don't think he knew what was really going on....
I eventualy did kill the flowering ugly, and true to the command, physically disemboweled the poor creature. He DID eat a flower, I gave it to the confused, controlling vegetarian. The human found a flower while wretching in the bushes. The vegetarian tried to rescind the command later, only to realize that the controlling power was limited. We had no choice but to continue. This did nothing to lighten my mood.
NINE F**K**G hours later, we finish. I realize I'm done at one point in time, and punch the fool. Moron. The human does the same. It made me feel better, so I punched Him again, knocking him out. F**K!!!!!! Now the commands kick in again, and well, I drag Him to school. The human goes ahead of me. I drop the Vegetarian Control Freak inside the gates, and go to my room.
BAMPF!!!! S**T!!!! im in the classroom. The teacher is not happy. He questions about where the other one is, then calls the Veggie there. When asked why she was bruised on the jaw, I tell the truth "She failed to duck" and "Inadequacy" The teacher, may his soul rot in the seventh level of the Nine Hells (Tarterus I believe), decided to chain us together. My Left hand to His right hand. While working on the potions, I pretend like Im left handed. I KNOW he's right handed.
So I learn how to make a "Cure Light Wounds" potion and a "Cure Moderate Wounds" Potion.... Enclosed is the good potion I made, give it to my brother, to make sure he is safe.....
I miss Jessop.... we understood each other....... How is the runt??
..........
Jenjol RibbonStinger
Reluctant Student
Thursday, April 5, 2007
They are all MORONS!!!
I only write in this because I Love my Mother....
Bless her heart, she puts up with the bastard. Retarded as it sounds. She says she loves him. I wish I was born of a turnip, instead of that freak.
Mother, this is the goofy journal you want me to keep of my time at school. I'm not sure why... but.. well.. I love you.. so.. here it is..
Headmaster... what a freak. Changing ages like turning his socks inside out. He thinks it keeps the students on their toes... but they seem more at odds by it.. Moronic students- just think its a neat trick. I say its because he can't control himself. Moron.
These other two freaks, one a human, the other a tree hugging elf... They're real winners. Neither thinking things through....
The human, as the natural to all those who are morons, acts, then thinks. To save her happy Butt- I had to knock her out. Had I not, then she would have died. All because they would not listen to my advice. Moron.
The elf seems to have a bit of a moral delimma. It seems that he is trying so hard to be empathic, and failing. He wonders if its ok to kill things with feelings. I think he might be an elf.. or maybe a vegetarian... not much difference... They're both Morons...
Now that you have met the cast of players in this stupid occurance, let me tell you what has happened in this wonderful place that the Bastard has sent me.
I get up with plenty of time to get to the headmasters office. I set the alarm clock specifically 12 minutes PAST the time to be there. What do you know.. DING!!! wide awake an hour before... SHIT...
So I decide to take a walk...... I wonder around campus for a while... I take in the sites... 3 minutes before the meeting... I suddenly realize Im right outside the headmasters offices... DAMN... I deliberately WALK AWAY... I go to the ranged weapons practice area.
5 minutes later... im teleported right into the headmasters office. F**K!!! and there is some kid in the headmasters chair. I figure... if theres some kid there..then it must be the headmasters child... and well.. i'll play along. So I treat him like he's the headmaster. I argue with him.
I notice that there are three others in the room. Some little gurgley guy... scared of anything larger than a pea. And the two morons that get stuck with me on this "adventure".
We're told to go to the Kitchen, and report to the head cook. It seems they have a problem there. When we get there, I find that I was right, The problem was the food. Horrible thing. MOTHER THEY FEED US SWILL!!!! Its the sort of stuff that Kurtlemak and Blibdoolpoolp would love to roll in!!!
The head cook, whom I have come to respect... she's not as big of a moron, said we were to take care of the "Rat Problem" in the basement. I know how to do this!!!! I immediately set about to nail the door shut. If the rats can not get upstairs, then there is no problem. All live in peace and harmony.
Now the elven moron speaks. "They need to get to the storage down there." Ok... so it wasnt a bad thing to say... So I gave in... We'll pour boiling oil down the stairs. This would convince the rats that they wanted to live in another area, preferable without boiling oil to walk in, AND it would begin the process of waxing the floors. Fixing a rodent problem and beautification in one job. We should get extra credit for this!!!
Nope, would have no part of that one. Morons.
So...I figure if they are bound and determined to do this the hard way, then I wont stop them. But I dont have to help them either. I waited at the top of the stairs until they were done. The bastard always said "Work Smarter, not Harder" Made sense.. but dont tell him. He's a bastard, It would go to his head...
So..... They are down there for a while, and suddenly, they come running up the stairs. The bastard tought me a very important lesson that applied to this situation. When something comes at you at a high rate of speed, MOVE. I stepped back into the kitchen...and when the two morons came out, I closed the door. THEN I asked questions.
It seems that the cook was not telling all. Bitch. The rat problem was a big rat problem. Meaning that the rat problem was 5 foot tall. Twice my height. When the human killed one of his babies, he seemed to take an instant dislike to the human. So they left. Now is where the elf begins her moral delimma. Which lasts well into the night... he's probably still awake now trying to figure it out. Vegetarian moron.
The cook seems to believe that we have to solve the problem. I enter the basement, and try to talk to the Rat... he's got none of this... still wants to hurt/maim/kill the human. To save the humans life, I knock her out. TEEHEE...was a GREAT shot too... Over the shoulder of Rat Man, and right on the forehead. Just enough to knock her out. It was a great shot... To bad Rat Man decided to bury the dead body.
I had to save the stupid human. She was knocked out, and the elf was in a moral crisis. All the elf could do was hold the torch so that I coudl hit the Rat Man. Confused Moron. I got it though. He went down, just like you told me. Kick a man in the nuts, and they are down. Works on rats too. Thank you for that advice Mom...
I report back to the cook. Shit, there's TWO??? Back to the basement. The morons (even they have good luck at times) have found Rat Mamma. The elf, in the moral delimma, thinks to wake the sleeping rodent. The Human... who has woken up, disappears. Oh well, I get out a nail, and drive it into Rat Mamma's skull. She died in her sleep.
We clean up the rest of the mice. Which ended up being the Elf and I, as the human started rummaging around in crates, I knocker her out again. Useless Moron.
Well, that was my day. Full of Morons.
I trust that your day was better. Had to be... the King is not a moron......
Jenjol RibbonStinger
Rat Squashing Student
Bless her heart, she puts up with the bastard. Retarded as it sounds. She says she loves him. I wish I was born of a turnip, instead of that freak.
Mother, this is the goofy journal you want me to keep of my time at school. I'm not sure why... but.. well.. I love you.. so.. here it is..
Headmaster... what a freak. Changing ages like turning his socks inside out. He thinks it keeps the students on their toes... but they seem more at odds by it.. Moronic students- just think its a neat trick. I say its because he can't control himself. Moron.
These other two freaks, one a human, the other a tree hugging elf... They're real winners. Neither thinking things through....
The human, as the natural to all those who are morons, acts, then thinks. To save her happy Butt- I had to knock her out. Had I not, then she would have died. All because they would not listen to my advice. Moron.
The elf seems to have a bit of a moral delimma. It seems that he is trying so hard to be empathic, and failing. He wonders if its ok to kill things with feelings. I think he might be an elf.. or maybe a vegetarian... not much difference... They're both Morons...
Now that you have met the cast of players in this stupid occurance, let me tell you what has happened in this wonderful place that the Bastard has sent me.
I get up with plenty of time to get to the headmasters office. I set the alarm clock specifically 12 minutes PAST the time to be there. What do you know.. DING!!! wide awake an hour before... SHIT...
So I decide to take a walk...... I wonder around campus for a while... I take in the sites... 3 minutes before the meeting... I suddenly realize Im right outside the headmasters offices... DAMN... I deliberately WALK AWAY... I go to the ranged weapons practice area.
5 minutes later... im teleported right into the headmasters office. F**K!!! and there is some kid in the headmasters chair. I figure... if theres some kid there..then it must be the headmasters child... and well.. i'll play along. So I treat him like he's the headmaster. I argue with him.
I notice that there are three others in the room. Some little gurgley guy... scared of anything larger than a pea. And the two morons that get stuck with me on this "adventure".
We're told to go to the Kitchen, and report to the head cook. It seems they have a problem there. When we get there, I find that I was right, The problem was the food. Horrible thing. MOTHER THEY FEED US SWILL!!!! Its the sort of stuff that Kurtlemak and Blibdoolpoolp would love to roll in!!!
The head cook, whom I have come to respect... she's not as big of a moron, said we were to take care of the "Rat Problem" in the basement. I know how to do this!!!! I immediately set about to nail the door shut. If the rats can not get upstairs, then there is no problem. All live in peace and harmony.
Now the elven moron speaks. "They need to get to the storage down there." Ok... so it wasnt a bad thing to say... So I gave in... We'll pour boiling oil down the stairs. This would convince the rats that they wanted to live in another area, preferable without boiling oil to walk in, AND it would begin the process of waxing the floors. Fixing a rodent problem and beautification in one job. We should get extra credit for this!!!
Nope, would have no part of that one. Morons.
So...I figure if they are bound and determined to do this the hard way, then I wont stop them. But I dont have to help them either. I waited at the top of the stairs until they were done. The bastard always said "Work Smarter, not Harder" Made sense.. but dont tell him. He's a bastard, It would go to his head...
So..... They are down there for a while, and suddenly, they come running up the stairs. The bastard tought me a very important lesson that applied to this situation. When something comes at you at a high rate of speed, MOVE. I stepped back into the kitchen...and when the two morons came out, I closed the door. THEN I asked questions.
It seems that the cook was not telling all. Bitch. The rat problem was a big rat problem. Meaning that the rat problem was 5 foot tall. Twice my height. When the human killed one of his babies, he seemed to take an instant dislike to the human. So they left. Now is where the elf begins her moral delimma. Which lasts well into the night... he's probably still awake now trying to figure it out. Vegetarian moron.
The cook seems to believe that we have to solve the problem. I enter the basement, and try to talk to the Rat... he's got none of this... still wants to hurt/maim/kill the human. To save the humans life, I knock her out. TEEHEE...was a GREAT shot too... Over the shoulder of Rat Man, and right on the forehead. Just enough to knock her out. It was a great shot... To bad Rat Man decided to bury the dead body.
I had to save the stupid human. She was knocked out, and the elf was in a moral crisis. All the elf could do was hold the torch so that I coudl hit the Rat Man. Confused Moron. I got it though. He went down, just like you told me. Kick a man in the nuts, and they are down. Works on rats too. Thank you for that advice Mom...
I report back to the cook. Shit, there's TWO??? Back to the basement. The morons (even they have good luck at times) have found Rat Mamma. The elf, in the moral delimma, thinks to wake the sleeping rodent. The Human... who has woken up, disappears. Oh well, I get out a nail, and drive it into Rat Mamma's skull. She died in her sleep.
We clean up the rest of the mice. Which ended up being the Elf and I, as the human started rummaging around in crates, I knocker her out again. Useless Moron.
Well, that was my day. Full of Morons.
I trust that your day was better. Had to be... the King is not a moron......
Jenjol RibbonStinger
Rat Squashing Student
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